Nice. I start a new blog and Google thinks I'm some sort of spambot, and blocks me access to it. Well, I can't view the blog, but at least I can post to it. As though that is all I want.
I'm starting this new blog because I sense a change in my life. There are so many changes, both financial, emotional and also in the relationships with my friends. It's not even spring yet, so I can't blame it on the seasons. But it's autumn, so that might be it. Or perhaps not.
Whatever it is, I'm hoping it's for better, and not for worse. Not that the last couple of months have been horrific; however, I want to be happy(ier) than what I have been of late. I have spent far too long moping over Angry Lecturer; I have spent far too much effort on sustaining dead-end relationships with friends who cancel plans at the very last minute; I have been content with a tiny salary for months; and I have been living in denial over my parents' needs for years.
It's time to do something about all these issues. Angry Lecturer is a sweet guy, but I think he should be avoided henceforth. I don't see how things can ever work out between us. Well, if things do work out, great. And I'll even stay in touch with him until July, just to see if there's hope. But that's how long he gets from me.
The friends issue. Well, I lost a good friend. My ex-boyfriend. His new girlfriend (with whom he cheated on me last year) does not want him to contact me at all. I spent this morning in tears. He thought I wanted him back. I suppose a very, very, very small part of me is hoping to patch things up with him, but the majority feels it's flogging a dead horse. We've tried so many times. There's no point. Besides, he has a girlfriend now.
The other friends are unreliable. They'll think nothing of cancelling plans at the last minute. Or not calling me for weeks. I want to believe I go to some lengths to keep my relationships in good order. I want to believe I am a great friend. So where are my good friends?
Another reason for this new blog is that too many of my friends read the old one. Even Mr JL. Especially Mr JL. No matter how many times I have asked him to stop, he persisted. I might still update the old site, but I think it's time for a clean break. Besides, I always worried that Angry Lecturer found the URL. It's possible.
Saturday, May 10, 2008
Possible new Jewish Luvva?
There are a couple of guys who I think might be interested in me. One of them, JB, is a sweetie pie. I think he's adorable, but he is short and chubby. And it seems he has a couple of hang ups over his weight. From childhood. That's not attractive.
I like that he is Jewish. That normally means they're not religious. Well, it's true for Cape Town, which is where I stay. I don't like that he smokes weed, or that he is renting accommodation at his age.
Ex-Lover used to smoke weed every day. I doubt JB smokes every day, but it's just so off putting. Which is funny, because Angry Lecturer smokes cigarettes, and I still kissed him. Still shagged him. Still loved him. Still miss him.
I do like chatting to JB. And yes, I do get turned on occasionally by the thought of kissing him. But it's a fleeting feeling. I was wondering what he would do if I kissed him. He'd probably be surprised, but I'm sure he would enjoy it tremendously. I imagine him to be a gentle kisser. He won't use too much tongue; he will hold me tightly in his big arms; he will press my body close and kiss me for hours.
Yum. I could do with that right now. If only he weren't shy. If only he would pull me closer and not just give me a hug when I get out of his car after another long night out on the town.
But I also like what we're doing. We're just enjoying each other's company, with absolutely no pressure. This is great. This, Angry Lecturer insists, is what he wants from me. No pressure. We'll have to see about that.
It's the third time I see JB. Tonight wasn't a date, though it might have looked like one. We went to a restaurant slash coffee shop in Gardens, frequented by fighting couples. We'd take turns to listen to the arguments and smile at each other. Fuck. I should be careful. I find it so easy to fall in lust or in love. Or in both. I should probably stop describing him, or only focus on his flaws. That will make it easier to dismiss him. Which is what I want, because he is not my type.
I like tall, dark, brooding men. Men who make me cry. Men who give me hassle. Men who do not treat me right. Men who do not give a damn. Those are the type of men I prefer. Tall, dark, brooding intellectuals who chain-smoke.
I like that he is Jewish. That normally means they're not religious. Well, it's true for Cape Town, which is where I stay. I don't like that he smokes weed, or that he is renting accommodation at his age.
Ex-Lover used to smoke weed every day. I doubt JB smokes every day, but it's just so off putting. Which is funny, because Angry Lecturer smokes cigarettes, and I still kissed him. Still shagged him. Still loved him. Still miss him.
I do like chatting to JB. And yes, I do get turned on occasionally by the thought of kissing him. But it's a fleeting feeling. I was wondering what he would do if I kissed him. He'd probably be surprised, but I'm sure he would enjoy it tremendously. I imagine him to be a gentle kisser. He won't use too much tongue; he will hold me tightly in his big arms; he will press my body close and kiss me for hours.
Yum. I could do with that right now. If only he weren't shy. If only he would pull me closer and not just give me a hug when I get out of his car after another long night out on the town.
But I also like what we're doing. We're just enjoying each other's company, with absolutely no pressure. This is great. This, Angry Lecturer insists, is what he wants from me. No pressure. We'll have to see about that.
It's the third time I see JB. Tonight wasn't a date, though it might have looked like one. We went to a restaurant slash coffee shop in Gardens, frequented by fighting couples. We'd take turns to listen to the arguments and smile at each other. Fuck. I should be careful. I find it so easy to fall in lust or in love. Or in both. I should probably stop describing him, or only focus on his flaws. That will make it easier to dismiss him. Which is what I want, because he is not my type.
I like tall, dark, brooding men. Men who make me cry. Men who give me hassle. Men who do not treat me right. Men who do not give a damn. Those are the type of men I prefer. Tall, dark, brooding intellectuals who chain-smoke.
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