Possible new Jewish Luvva?

There are a couple of guys who I think might be interested in me. One of them, JB, is a sweetie pie. I think he's adorable, but he is short and chubby. And it seems he has a couple of hang ups over his weight. From childhood. That's not attractive.

I like that he is Jewish. That normally means they're not religious. Well, it's true for Cape Town, which is where I stay. I don't like that he smokes weed, or that he is renting accommodation at his age.

Ex-Lover used to smoke weed every day. I doubt JB smokes every day, but it's just so off putting. Which is funny, because Angry Lecturer smokes cigarettes, and I still kissed him. Still shagged him. Still loved him. Still miss him.

I do like chatting to JB. And yes, I do get turned on occasionally by the thought of kissing him. But it's a fleeting feeling. I was wondering what he would do if I kissed him. He'd probably be surprised, but I'm sure he would enjoy it tremendously. I imagine him to be a gentle kisser. He won't use too much tongue; he will hold me tightly in his big arms; he will press my body close and kiss me for hours.

Yum. I could do with that right now. If only he weren't shy. If only he would pull me closer and not just give me a hug when I get out of his car after another long night out on the town.

But I also like what we're doing. We're just enjoying each other's company, with absolutely no pressure. This is great. This, Angry Lecturer insists, is what he wants from me. No pressure. We'll have to see about that.

It's the third time I see JB. Tonight wasn't a date, though it might have looked like one. We went to a restaurant slash coffee shop in Gardens, frequented by fighting couples. We'd take turns to listen to the arguments and smile at each other. Fuck. I should be careful. I find it so easy to fall in lust or in love. Or in both. I should probably stop describing him, or only focus on his flaws. That will make it easier to dismiss him. Which is what I want, because he is not my type.

I like tall, dark, brooding men. Men who make me cry. Men who give me hassle. Men who do not treat me right. Men who do not give a damn. Those are the type of men I prefer. Tall, dark, brooding intellectuals who chain-smoke.